Dear Blogger, I'm back.
I came back not because I needed it, but because I wanted to record another book to my list. It's been a while, and I'm happy to say I don't find myself needing you right now. Today's one of those happy days. I have a date tomorrow, so today's a great day.
I used to come here and somehow complain about my love life and my let downs. Now I use Twitter more than before, and I think I found some kind of peace in my life. Just some kind. I came back and read my last 6 post and somehow felt I owe you some stories. Because after all I'll come back here to remember. This stopped being a place to complain to become a place to remember, to remember all the stuff and feelings I forgot. Maybe there's going to be a lesson to learn someday.
I went to the psychologist this year. Past April I had my first, real and worrying, panic attack. I have had others before, but never as this one. I didn't know it back then. Now I know. I've been up to a lot of breakdowns this year and I'm not getting better. I'm running away of my fears. But I'll be ok. Today's a good day and I can say it now, maybe on bad days I won't be so opmistic. Now I kinda am aware of what troubles me at least.
I fell in love this year. Twice. Well maybe not twice. I found myself interested in two guys. None of them turn out positively. One was my friend, the one I was making post about. But he turned out to be a let down as a person. All his greatness went away with some decisions he took. Now I don't speak to him, nor the girl he's dating. And I don't want to think about him anymore. It's kinda depressing though, he was my favourite person at the beginning of this year, and now at the end I don't want to cross my path with him anymore. I didn't tell him about my feelings anyway, I didn't stay close enough to find it out myself.
The other guy was kinda more magical. But not so, after all I'm still single and he has a girlfriend. Haha. The circles of life. He's a friend of my now, I give him the ride every once in a while. When this year started I had no idea of where he came of. He got me really excited, he studies with me and damn, he's cute, I thought all my companions were bags of trash. He got my mind spinning for a while, what a feeling! I was struck between him and finding out my feelings for my friend. I used them both to help me forget the other and at the end I stood with none. My new friend won after all, he help me get over my thoughts about my friend. And got me in a rollercoaster of feelings. That wasn't cool, but I guess I was alive. I'll remember him and my days after him with love, he's really remarkable. And I even gave him a song: Stay beautiful by Taylor Swift. And, I guess it's because today's a good day, but I feel ok when I think about him. God, he's hot, haha, and funny and smart and freaky, and his laugh is magical, haha, I always fell for the same kind of boys. He has a girlfriend, I must repeat, and damn I envy her. Truth be said. It got me really sad and mad, why couldn't I got him first? That didn't help my anxiety.
Well, I said before, I have a date tomorrow. Actually I don't know if it is exactly a date. I met this guy by Twitter and when I actually found out (like 100% sure) that my last crush had a girlfriend, I was talking to him. I never told him what I was finding out, but he made me laugh and gave me some kind of familiar feeling, so in that way I could take the hit more slowly. We became friends and now we talk once in a while and tomorrow I'm finally going to meet him.
I gotta leave you, Blogger. I have to help mamma with something.
Love, Azu.
