23/10

I wrote something for you today, Blogger. And then I hit reload by accident and I lost it. I don't think I have the strength to write it again. I am more disappointed than you.

13/2

So, hello. I've got you a story. I got drunk on Sunday. My first time being truly drunk. I want to forget stuff, mostly stuff I don't remember but that I was told I did. The good thing is that now I know what kind of drunk I am. I already knew, technically, but now I'm certain. I laugh a lot and... Talk A LOT. I doom myself. Everything went fine. I threw up, but the fact of not remembering it, makes it bearable. The real story is that I made some discoveries that made my past humiliation, again, bearable. Remember that crush I had on this guy that had a girlfriend, didn't have a girlfriend, had a girlfriend, broke up with his girlfriend and became boyfriend with a friend? Yes, him. I had the feeling he liked me, then he became boyfriend with this friend and I felt very humiliated and snubbed. I had the theory that at least for a moment (being drunk) he liked me. I was right. I really don't know if it just when he's drunk. Or if it's the fact of being drunk shows his true colors. The thing is that he was there. And it was obvious, he had a thing for me. And it's hard not to have a thing for him. But I'm totally sure about me and how I feel, as long as he has a girlfriend I'm going to respect that. And I'm just gonna boast myself. And let my ego lift up. He has a crush on me. It's kind of sad to think that maybe I'm the girl you have a crush on but you never choose to be your girlfriend. Like I'm not girlfriend material or something. And at the same time, it's kind of ok. I feel independent, confident and perfectly lonely. Well, that's it. Two stories, Blogger, what else do you want?

10/1

It's 2018 and I'm still blogging in Blogger. What very 2008.

I noticed I haven't been around for a while. I'm still alive. Haven't been capable of killing myself.

I returned because I've been feeling kind of lost lately. I don't know if space out would be a good definition. But I've been feeling weird.

I came back because I wanted to save a dream. But I owe you stories. I left you aside because I've been saving all the memories since July in a journal. Blame my friends. I can't rewrite everything down here. I'll never be able to do that. It'll miss sense. And sadly I'm not in the mood to tell stories. I just want to save a dream. I'll just say: I went abroad for 3 months, met with my ex love of my life, returned home, I changed, and right now I'm more alone than I have ever been. Sometimes it's kind of depressing. Which leads to my dream.

I fell in love with Bobby Morley the actor who plays Bellamy Blake on The 100 tv show. I'm officially seventeen again. This is so embarrassing. I also fell in love with the character. Must be my loneliness, but I gotta say that dude settled my type of men.

Well the dream: There was some battle I found myself gotten into. It must've been a reflection of my subconscious of the protests in my country. Because it was students against the guards. We had a lot of places and they were using guns. A lot of people was there. A lot of people died. They hurt us pretty much, we were only a few left when we decided to retrieve. My ex was in there. I run with somebody to my old school (the dream of the battle has actually been going for a while the part that I remember and care it's the end) where I left my sister safe. And parted with my best friend Marianny to the church that it's close to my school. The battle was going on on the closes avenue and the closes mall (there's where I saw my ex) and in the church we had some people. When I left my school they were voting to see if the admission exams of the university should be whether or not stay. And some socialist was voting for no. That got me so mad, more topics brought subconsciously from my reality. So I left to the church, we got in and said hi, and then there he was. It was weird 'cause the body seems to be a random (with the same characteristics) one but the eyes were Bobby's. They look weird because they looked like cut and placed on this random person, like my mind was building him, but after a minute it was him entirely. It was Bobby. I wanted to find out the results of the election about the admission exams, but I stop and turned to Bobby. My thought was: he's here, let's enjoy him. He offered his arm or maybe I took it without him resisting and memories (from other dreams if it's possible) hit me. It was us. I slowly grabbing his arm, putting mine on his, touching him slowly, romantically, touching his hand, grabbing his hand, playing, those feeling of flirting with each other. And I knew we had already established that we were something. So we walked together to a room where they were going to tell the results (ignoring the battle was right outside through the door) and we put some chairs together in front. A friend Andrea Reyes was there and she commented on us just like the rest of the people present. He sat on my lap while he was putting the chair in place. I had my laptop on my hands. The chair moved backwards so he fell over me and we hit each other with the laptop on our forehead. At that point I was too conscious but lead by those feelings of flirting all I wanted to do was to kiss him.
The end.

I wanted to save that. Maybe I'll laugh someday or want to remember my crush. I just hope I'll keep seeing him in my dreams.