17/10

Lately all I've been thinking about is suicide. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. And I don't get it. Since I'm still unable to do it. I can't do that to my family. But it's a recurrent thought. When I was young I used to think about death a lot, but it was mostly center in a selfish way of thinking about my funeral. It wasn't like this. I keep picturing ways of ending my life. I been over and over plans, analysing the best procedure, the less painful, the most successful. I'm kinda scared. But I kind of have the certainty I can't do it. Right?